This is not a comment on the Saga of the Behaviour of the English Captain; on that we have only rumour & nth handed quotes to go on. Anyone who has ever been a target for gossip mongers, in however small a world, knows that that world is suddenly peopled with those who know far more about our lives than we ourselves can ever know. Tittle-tattle is not to be relied upon.
This is however a comment upon the Men of England, at least those who call radio phone-in programmes or are paid to comment or to report professionally upon the game, who have been in their full pomp this week.
The rule is clear: You are not allowed to sleep with the mother of my son. Even after we have parted.
Well, on behalf of the women of England (& France) I beg to differ. We have a say in the matter, thank you very much.
And, by the by, does the same rule apply to the mother of your daughter?
Some commentators have expressed concern for the wife who has been ‘humiliated’ & has fled the country.
I have more than once got into trouble, or at least lively debate, with feminist friends who tend towards an almost automatic get rid of him – divorce him reaction to an unfaithful husband.
The first thing to say is that it is always, of course, a decision for the woman herself.
A marriage is however always about more than just the sexual relationship & it is worth making sure that you do not have more to lose by breaking up than by staying.
A wife is only humiliated to the extent that she lets herself be, or accepts others judgment of the situation. To take the humiliation as given is to go along with that old chestnut, a man does not stray if his wife is good enough to keep him happy at home.
I first became aware of the power of standing by your man, keeping your chin up, & saying nothing, in the wake of the Profumo affair, when Valerie Hobson certainly showed herself as a woman not to be pitied & gained status & reputation.
More recently of course we have had the Clintons. I seemed almost alone among my circle in not saying that Hillary ‘ought to’ divorce Bill. Once again, it was of course entirely up to her, but I argued that if she did she would lose a lot, perhaps nearly all that was truly important to her. She would be forever labelled as ‘Poor Hillary’, and would find it well-nigh impossible to gain the political career & the position she holds today, where senior ministers vie for the opportunity of having their picture taken with her.
She has not gained all that ‘just’ because she is Bill’s wifie. The power relationship in the marriage shifted considerably in her favour. She will never restrain his sexual adventures, she knows that as well as we do, but she has shown that she has the strength & dignity to fight her battles in the most trying of circumstances. A woman to be reckoned with, not pitied. And certainly not humiliated.
