Although there must, these days, be few men who get to middle age before they encounter that strange being, a female colleague, it intrigues me that you can still hear, as I did last week on the radio, a working woman giving the advice: Never make the tea
It was the mid-70s & I had just become a member of a National Committee which dealt with technical matters. I was the only woman in a membership of about 30
Meetings were held about once a month & lasted all day. We were the host department, but everybody except the chairman, secretary & I came from outside. Morning coffee was delivered to the conference room in those large, pump-action vacuum flasks & the committee secretary & I usually got up to serve our guests while the discussion continued
One day the secretary was deeply involved in the discussion when the coffee arrived. No one else moved. I got on my feminist high horse & did not move either
There followed a bit of a hiatus until two of the other men got up & did their best with an unfamiliar task in unfamiliar surroundings
I realised that I was not being feminist, I was just being ungracious & rude
When the same thing happened again I got up & did the honours. As I did quite frequently, except when I too was involved in the discussion when coffee arrived
In fact I think I benefited form this. It really helped to break the ice, I got to speak to each man (black or white? etc) so they felt easier just chatting to me over the lunch break or contacting me about work, made me part of the team
It was always easier to fight the real battles – over pensions or the right to wear trousers to work – than to sort out, tactfully, these problems of etiket
