This lunchtime a gentleman held the door open for me as I left the library. Middle aged, middle class good manners
I did not like to point out to him that the door is an automatic one
I have never been able to understand why I should feel insulted by male courtesies. Far from expressing contempt for the weaker sex I think that, at worst, they are merely demonstrating, by having learnt to do things without having to think about them, the strength of Whiteheads quote about civilization.
Usually it is simply courtesy. Or even kindness. And who could object to kindness in a man?
Though, as one who was frequently the only, & sometimes the first ‘female’ on my little patch of the world of the work, I have to admit that trying to work out how best to update or renegotiate these etikets has presented me with some of the greatest difficulties or embarrassments, & sometimes indeed left me (usually silently) spitting nails & howling with frustrated rage
I was 22 and in the first week of my first full time non-teaching job after graduation. A secretary came to tell me that the chief wished me to go along to join him in a meeting in his room
Nervously, I knocked & opened the door. To the sound of clattering & scraping chair legs as the 5 men round the table leapt to their feet
With 5 pairs of eyes trained on me I just wanted those wooden floorboards to open up & swallow me
Nothing & nobody had prepared me for this
I had been to co-ed schools where sometimes, especially for maths or physics, I was the only girl in the class
Even at university, in those days when only a quarter of students were female, I had sometimes been the only girl in a class or tutorial group
None of the boys would ever have dreamed of greeting my arrival like this
For one wild moment I thought perhaps I should act like the Queen (graciously) or Lady Bracknell (imperiously): Gentlemen, please be seated!
I just concentrated on getting in to my own seat as quickly as possible
Link: http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F20F15F834551B728DDDA00A94D9405B818AF1D3
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