I am not afraid of being dead, nor of the actual moment of death, though I used to think that, by & large & on the whole, I would rather not be there when it happened
But twice now I have been ill enough to be causing concern - whatever that means - and from my point of view it was probably absolutely the most relaxed I have ever been. There was no point in worrying about anything because there was nothing I could do about it. There is no alternative to just letting go
The last few months, weeks, days (please not years) may be painful or unpleasant
Otherwise the prospect is not nearly so scary as was, for example, the prospect of giving birth for the first time. And even that turned out to be not the unimaginably painful experience it had been cracked up to be
Death is truly horrible, to the point of being unbearable, for friends, family & loved ones left to mourn
None of this means that I am in any hurry to end things. I still wake up looking forward to the day
But I am also certain of one other thing. Whenever it comes I shall say: Yes, yes, all right. I am coming. But just let me ...
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