Do you mind? Does it matter?

Over 40 years ago now I learnt that an awful lot of seemingly bad, or mad, or just plain rude behaviour is cause by relatively simple problems of eyesight



The particular case involved a girl, otherwise bright & well-behaved, who could become very disruptive at times. Turned out she could not read the blackboard, so the appropriate glasses fixed that one



Brain scanning shows us that subtle differences in the way the brain works - in either receiving messages from outside or in the way it processes them - can affect behaviour in all sorts of ways. Someone who has difficulty recognising faces can easily get a reputation for being stuck up or rude or just very absent mindedly living in a world of their own

But calling all of them, such as the inability to sing in tune or remember names 'conditions', implying that treatment or cure is needed would be a mistake. We need variation, not just to add to the gaiety of nations but to support division of labour & evolution by natural selection to adapt to changing environments

Having said that, the brain is plastic so practice & training can improve performance. Even so, just as I could never have run in Olympic time, no matter how much training I had, differences will remain

But then there are tricks & stratagems which help. One such I have been using recently after reading of research that people who are consistently running late, behind time - just getting to school or catching the train, not necessarily people with overloaded diaries - consistently overestimate the length of time available to them. In the sense that their internal clocks tell them that 5 minutes is much longer than it really is

I realised that I have the opposite problem, & so am always impatient at the time things - and other people! - take. If I were ever to be asked by a radio interviewer to sum up in 20 seconds I would say NO. Not to be curmudgeonly & unco-operative, but because I would think the 20 seconds used up by that monosyllable. So just recently, when I feel that cross look come on my face, I have started to count, slowly. Just the old remedy for keeping your temper, but with the added bonus that it is teaching me that things do not take nearly as much time as I think they do. You are never too old to learn

Gradually though I think more & more it is a mistake to think of things in terms of mind or matter. Just like nature in nurture, it should be mind in matter

And vice versa

Related posts

Putting ones foot down on psychosomatic disease Lighting Up The Brain
Babies on buses
Blue sky July
Compressing the Human Memory File
Elementary statistics: Non-standard deviation
The average man

A Tent

One for the Dangerous Book for Boys

A tent went up on the grass:
just room for a boy & his brother,
who waited for day to pass -
kept wishing that day would pass
as theyd never wished of another

At last they got their wish.
Darkness fell & off they went
feeling quite daredevilish -
yes, really daredevilish -
to spend a night in that tent.

Night is dizzy & deep;
the wall of a tent is thin;
they were almost too scared to sleep,
but whispered each other to sleep
as stars & ghosts listened in.

And the tent flew through the night
on the back of the turning world,
which brought them home all right,
them & the tent, still upright
and now lavishly dew-pearled

Christopher Reid

Cut the fat. Don't cut it out

Caitlin Moran wrote in her column on Monday of her secret belief that if you eat an apple after eating some cheese, the apple kind of eats the fat. She says that puts her out of the running for Sexy Lady Scientist 2008

Well I am not a scientist but I have long held a similar belief. I elevate mine to the role of hypothesis. I believe possibly a Nobel prize may await the nutritional/medical/biochemical scientist who demonstrates its Truth

I call it cutting the fat

Several things can do this

• citrus fruit or juice
• other fruits - including tomatoes
• onion & garlic
• vinegar
• alcohol - especially cider or wine
• herbs such as parsley, rosemary & thyme
• sweet peppers, green beans

Is it a coincidence that these are all components of the Mediterranean diet? Then how come all our traditional accompaniments to roast meat fall into these categories - apple with pork, mint sauce with lamb, horseradish with beef?

Since I am not a scientist I cannot really say what the mechanism might be, except maybe that there is something which breaks up the long fatty acid chains, makes them more manageable to the digestion?

This is certainly the empirical, experiential basis for my belief. Food which would otherwise sit very heavily on the stomach, causing discomfort, slips down & through very easily

I guess that must be Caitlins experience with apples & cheese too

News flash: Grapefruit contains naringenin, a constituent that can cut levels of 'bad' LDL cholesterol

Link: "Apolipoprotein B dependent hepatitis C virus secretion is inhibited by the grapefruit flavonoid naringenin

Andy Kershaw

I do not know Andy Kershaw. I am not a fan. I am not a fan of World Music as presented by those who call it such. All I know is what I read in yesterdays papers

I am sorry for anyone in distress

But this is a man who has, on his own admission, behaved badly to his partner. Who seems to feel aggrieved that the breaking point came over a one night stand which 'meant nothing'. Who seems unable to accept the break up

Who is known to be, or to have been, consuming way too much alcohol

Who seems to believe that his children have taken his side. Because they visited him for a weekend

If it were any of my business I should be deeply concerned about his family. Especially when he emerges from his 'stoically' borne time in jail

Link

On the Ropes - Andy Kershaw

Christina Rossetti

These 2 poems had a profound effect on me as a teenager. Part of my adolescent romantic ideas about death I suppose. Imagining myself still there to see it all

SONG
When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:

Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:

And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

REMEMBER
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:

Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad

See also: Dulce et decorum

More con trails

Back in late November/early December we had a long spell of clear frosty weather, very good for the production of con trails. There were long delays on the A6 caused by resurfacing, so I had lots of time to observe the con trails while waiting for a bus to fight its way through

One thing I saw may provide an explanation for my mystery photos. There were 2 trails, crossing each other at angles like a saltire. One, thin & holding well together, was well below the other which was much less defined & cotton-woolly. But the thin one was rising quite rapidly, so that it eventually passed through & was then above, the fatter one. Unless it was an optical illusion, but I think not. I saw no evidence of a kink in either of them though while they were crossing over

The other thing that surprised me about these 2 trails, though it should not have done, was that they were both being blown across the sky. In the time I was looking, which could not have been more than about 10 minutes, the 2 trails moved about a mile to the (east) south east

Why are policemen like buses?

Because you dont see one for ages, then 7 come along at once

I was reminded of this when I saw 7 firemen rescuing 4 teenagers from a lift in JJB Sport on Saturday

The first time I noticed this mob-handed phenomenon was a few years ago when I saw 7 police officers escorting a young woman shoplifter out of Sainsburys. Admittedly she was not going to go quietly - she had been kicking up a heck of a fuss in the back of the store, heard by all the staff & customers. I only realised what it was all about when I left at the same time as the posse

In retrospect I thought it could have been to guard against accusations of racial harassment - in this case against a young black constable by a white female suspect, but that is only a supposition

In any case I have seen several similar incidents, when the number of police attending seems out of proportion

Health & safety reasons? Protection against accusations of misbehaviour? Forensic requirements, given the detailed evidence adduced in even the simplest trial these days?

Links: How much time do we have?

Could do better

Could do better was just about the most dispiriting thing which could be written by a teacher on your school report when I was young. You did not even get the kudos of being one of the really bad boys. They got the cane or suspended

Imagine how you would feel if all your efforts were met with that response. Cooked a nice meal. Cleaned the windows. Planted a garden. Bought a new car. Found a partner. Had a baby ....

The idea of having a job which consisted mainly in going around telling others Could do better all the time does not really appeal

Some can get very excited about it however, judging by the ad which has recently appeared in the press. Its hard to imagine a more high profile environment .... a huge step for us .... a challenge we are not underestimating .... should make a profound difference to the people of the UK

You get to go around departments on behalf of the Prime Minister making sure they do better in their capacity to deliver PSA targets. For £47k a year

The distinction between control & controls is a crucial one

The older you get the longer you live

The older you get, the older you will be when you die

For example, with average expectation of life I will die at 84. A newborn baby girl today can 'expect' to die before she is 82

This is not because of any increase in mortality due to rising obesity etc. Far from it. Expectation of life, in the statistical actuarial sense, depends on the assumption that mortality rates will stay exactly the same, age for age

It is because I have not been one of those unfortunate to die before I could draw my pension that my age at death can be expected to be higher than hers. The baby girls expectation of life takes account of the fact that some of her contemporaries will not be so lucky. Her 'expectation' of life is the average for all those born in the same year as she

I was pondering this because of a widely reported study that 'proves' a very significant extension to the lives of those who eat well, exercise, drink alcohol in moderation etc. I have heard only a report on the radio about it, have not had chance actually to look at the methodology, but the person talking about it (a scientist or doctor) appeared to be claiming that on average the goodie 2 shoes get an extra 14 years on average.

But the study lasted for only 11 years. So the extra years can only have been calculated by looking at age of death. And, by definition, many of those who died at older ages during the study period must have been older at the start of the study

Unless the results were corrected for this, the 14 years must just be an artefact, not a real effect

Passing white

If a West Indian merchant could prove that he had always resided in England there was no fear of that mixture of negro blood which was so undesirable


Lucy Frances Horsfall: The West Indian Trade; in The Trade Winds edited by C Northcote Parkinson

Knoweth thy father & thy mother

There can be no right to know the identities of your biological or genetic parents. At least not one which is enforceable

What would/will happen if people who have doubts about their parentage claim the same right as those who are adopted or conceived through IVF with donor gametes?

The logical conclusion would be for everybody to have the right, at the age of 18, to demand DNA tests to establish whether the people who are their 'social' parents do really hold that genetic role


Links: Which twin is the father?
Shame and Scandal in the Family
Identity is a link

Shopping downturn

I was in Primark in Manchester on Wednesday. I have never seen it so empty of people before

It may have been just one of those days - weather not great, children & students just started a new term, credit cards all maxed out with Christmas

I was hoping to buy a pretty sweater to keep me warm in gloomy February, but no luck. The pretty ones were all too short & skinny - wont cover my kidneys & dont trap that vital layer of air for extra insulation. The bigger cardigan thingies were all a bit too cutting edge for me. To be fair though, I did see more than one group of girls exclaiming with delight at the clothes on offer

I tried the mens department - just moved downstairs into the space which used to be occupied by TKMAX. Even more gloomy & hopeless. But perhaps all the extra space is what makes it look so thinly populated. One of the till counters was closed however, so sales must be slow. Reminds me of the days after Christmas, when there were loads of families out & about but no queues at the checkouts in any shop I went to

On the train I saw a woman carrying a Primark plastic bag. Does this mean they have abandoned the brown paper ones, or was she just re-using an old one?

It's the men, stupid!

One-third of the men who participated in the New Hampshire Democratic Primary voted for NEITHER Barack Obama NOR Hillary Clinton. Only one-fifth of the women opted for one of the other candidates

Are the men just ornery, don't like bandwagons, or prejudiced?

Other categories from among whom a quarter or more failed to choose either Barack or Hillary were

• voters from union families
• long-time voters
• independents
• those with a college degree
• earn more than $50,000

Source: The Times 10 January p6

Three cups of coffee a day

I well remember the very first lecture I attended in economic statistics. By that lovely man, RGD Allen, whose main point was the vital importance of reading the definitions & explanatory notes before plunging into an anlysis of figures which might not actually represent what you think they do

Good advice for everybody. Not least in assessing contradictory findings about whether X, Y Z are good for you or not

You do not need to be in any position to judge whether the scientific or statistical methods employed were appropriate. Scientists (& the journalists who report these stories) have a very Humpty Dumpty approach to language, so just ask What exactly do they mean by that?

One recent example sticks in my mind, if only because it seemed to catch the imagination of several Times columnists who all referred to it in the ensuing weeks

Three cups of coffee a day can increase your risk of heart problems

What do they mean by 3?
What do they mean by cup?
What do they mean by coffee?
What do they mean by a day?

I feel pretty sure that the mug of instant you grab on the run while trying to get everybody out of the house in the morning has a different effect from the cappuccino you share with a friend & a blueberry muffin later in the day. Which has a different effect from the small cup of Turkish coffee you have in the evening after a really relaxed elbows-on-the-table supper with friends

Is it the metronomic regularity of 3 per day which matters, or the average over a life time?

Or what

And finally, how many people did they study, & how did they select them? Is there any reason to think that results which apply to them will apply to you in exactly the same way?

Link

Drinking three cups of coffee a day 'shrinks women's breasts ...

Three cups of coffee a day can hit men's sperm counts

No more than three cups of coffee a day in pregnancy, warn scientists

Three cups of coffee a day can lessen risk of diabetes - Latest ...

THREE CUPS OF COFFEE A DAY CALLED SAFE - New York Times

Don't I know that voice?

Is Robert Peston by any chance related to Lucinda Lambton? Where else could he have learned those vocal swoops & hesitations?

Potato blight

Yesterday Carl Mortished wrote an article for Times Business making a connection between last years rain & the Irish potato famine. Apparently the Soil Association was deluged by requests for permission to spray with pernicious Bordeaux mixture



Mortished used the article to make the connection, not the perniciousness of food miles, but of anti-GM campaigns

Body engineering

Nice to see some non-chemical aspects are to be researched. No mention of social scientists, though. Perhaps there are not any who are good enough. Perhaps they should look at What econometrics has to teach quantum physics

Links: Physical medicine
Vibrations

Are men lognormal?

We can have fun speculating whether there are any a priori reasons why women should be normal & men lognormal

At the level of basic genetics we might expect there to be greater variations between men than between women because of the X & Y chromosomes. Any mutation in an X chromosome gene might be 'corrected' in a female by the copy provided by the other parent. And of course women do not have a Y chromosome at all to add variation

But if the basic distributions, not just the mean & variances, are different then that suggests that the processes by which the variations - or errors - are differnet [leave that typo - Ed]

Under the Normal Law of error myriad sources of error affect the deviation from the true, mean value of any observation, & all these small individual effects add together. But under the lognormal distribution the errors, or differences, will multiply themselves up

To take a crude example, if income depends on education, height & good looks, then a man lucky enough to possess a high score on all 3 will have a much greater advantage than a woman who is similarly lucky. He will get the compound interest, she will only get simple interest

Is the Bell Curve female?

It is 20 years now since I looked at the actual frequency distributions of male & female earnings. When I did, I got a surprise. For it is not just the averages that were different, but the whole of the distribution

The female distribution was much closer to a Bell curve, with a very narrow spread & a high peak close to the mean

For men the distribution was positively skew, with a much wider spread, a lower, flatter peak & a very long tail out towards the very highest earnings

The differences between male & female variances are sometimes touched upon, but not nearly as often as the averages. It is well known, for example, that men are more likely to figure in both the highest & lowest classes of Oxbridge degrees. The concentrations of lead in blood have also been found to show a similar pattern, to that of incomes, at least before lead was taken out of petrol

You do not however often see the whole distributions being compared, so it is difficult to say whether the hypothesis that Women are Normal, Men are Lognormal has any legs

Irresistible urges

Not life, death or love. Just those silly little things which drive you to distraction & make it difficult to resist interfering in the lives of complete strangers

Sticky-up labels. At the back of the neck of a jumper, t-shirt, dress or jacket. Particularly if they are sitting in front of you on the bus or in the theatre. Sit on your hands to stop yourself leaning forward to tuck it in

Bottles on supermarket conveyor belts. Really ought to be laid parallel to the direction of travel. Not across the belt - when they start spinning round I want to lunge forward to rescue them. Even worse when they are standing up, wobbling & threatening to topple

Putting ones foot down on psychosomatic disease

I had my first really clear experience of mind over matter well over a quarter of a century ago now

Because of a nasty ulcer on the ball, I had been only able to walk on the side of one foot for weeks. When it healed, I found that, try as I might, my foot would no longer go flat to the floor. Putting a heavy book on top did not help, nor did the best exertions of friends make it go down

The person we then still called the District Nurse had been dressing it regularly for me. I had one last appointment for her to check that there was absolutely no sign of recurrence

I know this is a silly question, but how do I make my foot go down?

She giggled, always a good sign. Well, this sounds like a silly answer. It may take a while, but each time you want to walk, you will just have to think Heel! Toe! Heel! Toe!

I was walking normally before I got across the floor of the room to the door

Men & money

Notes & jottings & random thoughts on Equal pay

No male equivalent of Poor little rich girl
A fortune is considered an integral part of a mans identity - Bill Gates

A rich woman is not a nice woman. Even though we know even a man has to be ruthless to make a fortune he may still be considered nice - Richard Branson

Gifts for difficult boys. Its not just that it always seems easier to buy a present for a girl - cash would somehow seem not quite right, unless she is a relative

Paying for sex. Or company Manchester United party

A girl gains status from a rich husband/boyfriend. A man is just as likely to be pitied if the positions are reversed

It is a fact universally acknowledged (at least until the latest developments in divorce settlements)

Money makes a man powerful, a woman vulnerable

'Autistic' aspects of accounting. Money started as brilliantly simple tokens of promises (to provide future goods or services). Women may be just as happy with emotional tokens

Money intimately tied up with maths - the beginnings of arithmetic & systems of numerals

Boys toys

But - women good money managers - especially on tight household budgets?

Hip fracture & energy efficient light bulbs

Let me add to the list of horrors to come when we all have to go over to so-called efficient light bulbs

I hear they are slow to light up fully & provide only a dim light anyway. So they will pose a particular danger to the elderly, especially on the stairs. If you cant see properly you are much more likely to fall & fracture your hip

More seriously, has anybody checked that the level of illumination they provide is sufficient for elderly eyes to read by in comfort?

Even more seriously, will I have to replace all my light fittings? The energy saving website shows only 4 makes of bulb with bayonet fittings, available from only a restricted range of stores. Ironically it is now a good number of years since I decided to settle for bayonets in the interest of thrift & economy, since I was fed up of never having a spare bulb of the right type. I also rely mainly on table lamps, never got seduced by spots, just for ease of access (& safety) when a bulb needs to be replaced. I guess I wont have to worry about whether a low energy bulb might set fire to a lampshade, but its very difficult to tell, just by looking, at all the new shapes, whether they will fit under a shade or not

Jobs for the boys

A piece by Sarah Vine in Fridays Times2 quotes an unidentified survey which says that boys earn more than girls even from their parents. For carrying out domestic chores

It would be interesting to know if the same applies to pocket money which is given as an outright gift

Assuming the survey results are generalisable they provide further evidence for the thought that pay differentials depend on something deeper than straightforward discrimination

Games have rules

Connie Bensley reminds me in some ways of Elizabeth Jennings. Perhaps because her poems, though universal, are very womanly

They are also very funny

As a sometimes addict of games of patience I love this one

It also reminds me, obliquely, of a very bad poem I wrote called I wore pink at my husbands funeral

Modus Vivendi

Each night, as he played patience

she stood behind his shoulder

.

Jack on Queen, she would cry

just before he spotted it himself

.

How was it then, that she murdered him

rather than the reverse?

.

Some games have rules

which are difficult to understand

Connie Bensley

Passing black

If Barack Obama wins the Presidency, will it become fashionable for Americans to claim fractional black ancestry?

The Way They Live Now

Elizabeth Jennings will definitely be on my list of Desert Island Poets

This is not one of her best, or even one of her better poems, but it makes an interesting point. Although it does not do to see the past through too rosy a glow, to ignore or forget its own particular pains & difficulties, I am one of those who has never been able to see liberation as consisting mainly in sexual freedom (or licence)

It is also instructive to remember the confusions which the different euphemisms used in different ages can cause. I remember how startled I was as a teenager to read in a novel by, perhaps, Jane Austen, a sentence like Mr Darcy had been making love to Jane in the garden because to make love had only one meaning for us teenagers in those days

You make love & you live together now

Where we were shy & made love by degrees.

By kiss & invitation we learnt how

Our love was growing. You know few of these

.

Tokens & little gifts, the gaze of eye

To eye, the hand shared with another hand.

You know of few frustrations, seldom cry

With passions stress, yet do you understand

.

The little questions that would mean so much,

The surging hope to be asked to dance?

You take the whole of love. We lived by touch

.

And doubt & by the purpose of chance

And yet I think our slow ways carried much

That you have missed - the guess, the wish, the glance

The consolations of poetry

Since it is not really possible at the moment to follow Sydney Smiths advice on being in the open air, I shall ignore one of his strictures & turn to the consolations of verse

Permit me then to inscribe to yourself a book which will sweeten solitude itself with best society, - with the companionship of the wise & good, with the beauty which the eye cannot see, & the music only heard in silence

Francis Palgrave - dedication of his Golden Treasury to Lord Tennyson

Down in the dumps

What with this weather, the children not back in school before next Tuesday, & February (that most drear of months) still looming, I am in sore need of reminding myself of the Reverend Sydney Smiths Cures for low spirits

1 Live as well as you can

2 Go to the shower bath with a low temperature

3 Read amusing books

4 Take a short view of life - no further than dinner or tea

5 Be as busy as you can

6 See as much as you can of friends that respect & like you

7 and those acquaintances who amuse you

8 Make no secret of low spirits but talk of them freely

9 Attend to the effects coffee & tea produce on you

10 Compare your lot with other peoples

11 Dont expect too much of life

12 Avoid poets, dramatic presentations, music, serious novels, melancholy, sentimental people

13 DO GOOD

14 Be as much as you can in the open air

15 Make your room gay

16 Struggle little by little against idleness

17 Dont underestimate yourself

18 Keep good blazing fires

19 Be firm & constant in the exertion of rational religion

Lady Bountiful economics

I hate Fair Trade with what is probably an unreasonable passion. Salving ones conscience with an extra 5p or 10p on a jar of coffee, & giving a nice extra margin to others in the production/marketing chain to boot

Reminds me of those who used to argue against providing computers to Africa on the grounds that what was needed was jobs. So much better to create lots of Bob Cratchitt clerking jobs, without the Scrooge (we hope). And even more recently - What on earth do peasants need mobile phones for?

See also: William Morris Agriculture

The national birth, death & sickness service

Most of us cost the NHS the most during around the time of birth & then in the last 2 years, & particularly the last 6 months, of our life. Whatever we die of

Given that we are seeing the last stages, probably, in this country of what Sir Richard Doll called a smoking epidemic, clearly brought on & greatly exacerbated by two world wars, it is not surprising that smoking seems to be costing the NHS a lot, as its victims reach their dying days

But what evidence is there that smokers cost the NHS more in during-life, rather than end-of-life, care

Banging the gong for child benefit

I once remarked to my boss, after 2 slightly surprising promotions to senior positions, that presiding over a disaster seemed to be no bar to promotion

He replied that he supposed it must mean that at least they had been able to have Kept their head put on their annual appraisals

Which I suppose goes someway towards explaining why Richard Summersgill, director of Child Benefit & Tax Credit Offices, HM Revenue & Customs, has received a CBE in the New Year Honours list

The evolutionary purpose of ageing

The currently fashionable theory about the evolutionary purpose of the menopause is that it is to provide grandmothers - or rather a grandmothers wisdom, experience & assistance in caring for small children, with no danger that she might suddenly be distracted by having one of her own to care for

What might be the purpose, if any, of the other aspects of ageing? The fading of faculties, loss of acuity in reading & hearing, general slowing down?

Obviously one is receiving fewer sense impressions at a slower pace. Possibly this drops gradually from a very young age - just think of the rate at which young babies explore their world , at least while they are awake

But if one is taking fewer in, one has more time to consider, reflect upon, synthesise the meaning of all those zillions of experiences you have had already

To gain wisdom

If we are all living longer, does the amount of wisdom in the world increase? Or is it like a parabola, reaches a peak & then falls off in each individual

In either case it is, just like the light from a distant star, the sense impressions of years ago that the elderly are synthesising into wisdom, so they do need to die off & allow others with knowledge of a more recent world to take their place. Otherwise the progress of wisdom will just judder to a halt

A really modest proposal on the teaching of languages in English schools

Why oh why are the English so bad at languages?

Who says they are? Its not true historically. They regularly learned & applied all sorts of languages. Nineteenth century newspaper & magazines frequently contained foreign words & phrases, sometimes even whole articles in French or German. The chief constable of Manchester was a qualified interpreter of Hindostanee [sic] & Mahratta

Of course they had good reason, a motive. Trade, & ruling an Empire

Shared borders, though not shared countries, encourage the picking up of another language through everyday practice & necessity. But English (not necessarily in its received standard version) is the second language of choice for most non-English speakers today

There are good reasons which provide the motivation for this - not just trade & Master of the Universe status, but football, popular song, film & the internet all provide a medium for learning well away from the classroom

What motives do English children have for choosing ONE particular foreign language to learn? Apart from being nagged into it by the government?

It is a totally unequal relationship between languages & translation. Other languages have a many-to-one relationship with English, English speakers have a one-to-many relationship with foreign tongues

I doubt if teaching Mandarin or Urdu to children of primary age will do much to redress this deficiency

So why not, instead, accept the many-to-one relationship, accept that we cannot choose which one they should learn, & teach instead about some of the fundamentals of language itself?

Start, as we all start, with sounds. Phonemes & phonetics. How different languages contain different sounds. Have fun learning a uvular r or Scottish ch. Discuss why eat, heat & heath are homonyms to a French speaker. Bring in the children who are already bilingual & enhance their status rather than treat them as almost special needs

Learn songs. Listen to tapes or radio streams in different languages - verses, football commentaries, news items & stories & try to guess what it is about & which language is being spoken. Learn the different noise that a German cow makes

Move on to naming things. Words which are almost universally the same. Etymology & how we have always borrowed from other tongues. We have been speaking French/Hindi/Latin ... all out lives without realising it!

Play games, imagining how you would make yourself understood to someone who does not speak your language

Puns & jokes & word play. Why puns will not work in another language

And finally, some alphabets, orthography & spelling

Proverbs & sayings

References: See for example Anthony Burgess 'Language Made Plain'

Menoporsche

I cant remember where I heard this wonderful word

It sums up so perfectly something I felt as a teenager. When I dreamed of having a sports car

There used to be a showroom next to Nottingham railway station, through whose windows I could happily gaze for hours

I knew I wanted either a Triumph Spitfire or an MG Midget. Agonised over the choice of scarlet or bright lemon yellow

The only people who could truly aspire to one were the boys who rowed or played rugger & had generous daddies

Or sometimes daddies themselves. The sort who wore tweed jackets or old flying jackets & flat caps, & long woollen scarves. Had a moustache & smoked a pipe

Who, when they reached a certain age, proclaimed their menoporschal status to the world

It wasnt fair. Sporty cars should be driven by someone who is the right sex & age to look like Sandra Paul or Bronwen Pugh. Or at least can wear her hair wrapped fashionably in a head scarf with the long ends streaming behind as she speeds along

A Stockport Bendy Banana Story!

Department of small coincidences. This clip appeared in yesterdays Times



Hardly earth shattering. Must just be something in the air. Some small chain of decision making which led to The Times leaving in a Stockport dateline for this story. Probably where Chris Davies, MEP, sent his press release from

But such tiny coincidences provide vital clues for historical researchers, crime novelists



And conspiracy theorists!

What if its a code?

Maybe, if I follow all the links, I will find a story to rival the Da Vinci Code


Links:

North West MEP calls for population control Why the 4x4 is todays third child

An Englishmans Castle Fertility & privacy


‘No one wants to bend banana rules’ - Times Online Recent foodie overheards

EU Bananas News Banana boats & food miles

Serendipity proves I exist in a world

Too much stuff or job creation?

Judging by the crowds out today & yesterday we are still hellbent on acquiring too much stuff. Probably just a last desperate flexing of the plastic before we all pay the price for our sins & just have to concentrate on shovelling away at a mountain of debt. Return to a state of virtue & just stop buying stuff

But here's the paradox

My consumption is someone elses production

Irish jokes & schizophrenia

Are we still not supposed to tell Irish jokes?

My favourite Irish joke is the one which ends I wouldnt start from here.

Far from being about stupidity, & therefore demeaning, they so often sum up that delicious quality of bemusement, being caught between a dilemma & a paradox. The wisest men have always known that all logical argument ends in paradox, so these jokes acknowledge the Irish as the wisest of us all

I have a very similar problem with the proscription of the word schizophrenia in every day usage on the grounds that this is demeaning to those who suffer from the 'real' thing

I do not think there is another word in common usage which expresses quite so well the specific feeling of being in, or having, a split mind. Wanting 2 contradictory things at once. Unable to decide, & feeling slightly foolish & ashamed about it

If I have understood things correctly nobody now thinks that this is a symptom, or even a helpful description, of the distressing disease. So would it not be better all round to change the name of the disease?

Related post: Dystrenia

Banana boats & food miles

Do boat miles count the same as plane miles?



Either way, does each banana that I buy count for 4000 food miles? If I buy 2 at the same time do they count for 4000 miles each?



Would it really be more green for me to travel to Worcester & back to purchase an apple?

The relative risk of winning the lottery

I buy one lottery ticket for the main Saturday draw each week

Not because I expect to win a few millions

Not because some of the money goes to Good Causes. In fact if I ever stop my regular purchase it will be because I am unable any longer to close my eyes to the cynicism of this side of it - the fat cat bureaucracy & army of paid consultant/advisers helping bewildered local groups trying to make sense of the application process. Not to mention the even greater cynicism of giving obscene amounts to the Royal Opera, the Churchills, or the Olympics

I buy the small pleasure of imagining what I would do with the money. What better small pleasure could I buy with my £? And I cannot think of a £52 treat that it would be worth saving up & waiting all year for

For the game to work, it must be a chance of winning a few million £s

There are those who say the odds against winning are so long as to make my chance of winning indistinguishable from zero. But this is to argue from the absolute level of probability

Medics & media constantly urge us to act on the basis of relative risks. Most recently & most ludicrously to foreswear the pleasure of bacon sandwiches for a higher probability of freedom from bowel cancer

My risk of winning the lottery may be zero if I do not buy a ticket. Or maybe not. I choose to assign a probability of 1 in 2,500 googols to the chance that I will pick up a winning ticket in the street or find that a friend offers me a half share of their multimillion jackpot. That makes the relative gain from my £1 into a satisfactorily large number. Much greater than that assigned to giving up bacon sandwiches

Save the supermarket plastic bag

This is an argument for not banning the supermarket plastic bag. Made by one who, for well over 20 years now, has said Thank you I do not need a bag at the checkout. Usually. By no means invariably

I do not decline them from a belief that they bear a uniquely heavy responsibility for global warming. Nor did I start declining them for the then fashionable reason that they were handed out simply to turn customers into walking advertising hoardings. Strange now to think that people, tourists, would go to Harrods to buy one small item just to acquire the status symbol of a green plastic bag

My motive was that old fashioned, now frequently derided one of thrift. I was proud to have earned first my Brownie & then the more advanced Guide badge for Thrift. I was brought up in the years after WW2 when we were careful about everything we used. It is however a very long time since I darned a sock or turned the cuffs on a shirt

Plastic bags with handles are incredibly useful. So useful that I folded them carefully, & put them in a cupboard. Until I realised that, like old fashioned wire clothes hangers, they were breeding in there

The main use I have for them now is lining the kitchen pedal bin. When full, simply tie the handles & carry to the dustbin outside. Minimises seepage, spillage & smell

A plastic bag has also virtually eliminated the problem of lost umbrellas. I was forever leaving them behind, wet, on the floor of the bus, tube or train on a rainy day. Now one sits folded inside a plastic bag in my handbag. If I have to use it, it goes back in its bag when I get on to the bus etc & I make sure it goes with me when I go

I usually used to have 1 or 2 folded in my handbag, to use either as a portable litter bin or to carry purchases home. The need for the first has been virtually eliminated by the much more wide spread availability of street litter bins, though is still very useful in a car. The latter has, ironically, been eliminated by the fact that they are now so pared down & thin that they are useless for carrying the weight of shopping for any distance greater than that from car boot to kitchen

Other uses crop up from time to time at home, so its always useful to keep a few handy

For carrying shopping I am currently well satisfied with my large sturdy Sainsburys version, price 60p, which fits folded in my handbag until required. Not one of those free ones called Bag for life. None of those ever has a gusset, so are useless for carrying bottles or anything which needs to be kept flat. I have recently discovered that it is also very useful as a cushion for sitting on when all the available outdoor seating is still wet from the rain

I can barely contain my contempt for those who walk round with some ludicrously overpriced designer thingy. A re-used Netto bag would be much more truly green. But then I suppose you would run the risk of proclaiming yourself a saddo loser, rather than the ultimate in cool priggish prattery

PRIMARK have joined the anti-plastic bandwagon by offering only brown paper bags. These unfortunately will not keep your new clothes dry on a wet afternoon in Manchester. And, as I found out the hard way, they will rip open incredibly easily if they catch on something

Force or power: science or love

Will the Theory of Everything explain why or how we fall in love?

I have only recently come to realise that one of the reasons I have difficulty in understanding what physicists are on about is that I do not properly understand what they mean by force.
It is very instructive to consult the OED on this, but I am still working on my grasp of it

What is fundamental about the fundamental forces?

It is particularly illuminating to think about how these contrast with that other metaphor: the power of love

I am not one who thinks that science is nasty & hard, unromantic. Anti-love. But I was struck by how many people who recently heard Blue Sky July on Radio 4 interpreted the story as testament to the power of a mothers love - which of course it is - while apparently ignoring the equally fascinating & invaluable insights into how the brain develops

Crime & government

When I was very young - only 22 or 23 - I found myself in a meeting with some very senior & respectable men indeed who were discussing ways to commit a crime

I was honestly shocked at first. By the fact that they should be discussing it at all, & also by the fertility of their imaginations in thinking up more & more ingenious methods

But they were discussing ways to prevent fraud in the collection of road tolls, so of course it was vital to consider all the possibilities

The other invaluable lesson I learned that day was in their conclusion: there is very little you can reasonably do if there is collusion between those who collect & those who are supposed to pay the toll

To minimise that kind of risk you need to rely on, or engender, a belief that such things are just not done in a fair & civilised society

Civil service

When I was a civil servant friends sometimes asked how it was possible to work for governments of different political persuasions

I sometimes struggled to answer at first. In fact I sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I did not have any overriding conviction about which side was Right in all respects

A blog is not the place for a detailed discussion but the answer I think falls into 2 main parts

First, there is something called good administration. Which overlaps with what people these days call management, but is different in subtle ways. Not least because, in the world of commercial business, there is always the bottom line to judge whether you ultimately stand or fail. It is much harder to judge whether administrators are doing a good job. We have learned that the size of your budget is not a good guide – though politicians still like to boast about theirs. And performance indicators & targets have turned out to be not at all uncomplicated either

The second reason why a civil servant can have great respect for their political masters is that they are the ones who have stood for election, who have gone out & said to the people, Here is what I want to do, vote for me

We all hope that in sometimes cooperating with a policy which we may well think unwise, or wrong headed, we will not in retrospect find ourselves saying I was only obeying orders

We can all resign if asked to go too far. The problem is that things usually build up by gradual degrees

I once heard an ex-Permanent Secretary being interviewed on this point. He said for him it would be if a government tried to suspend habeas corpus in peace time. My reaction was Its a bit late then

The other part that seems to be misunderstood, particularly by outsiders but also sometimes by ministers themselves, is the duty to advise & to warn, to consider possible ways in which the proposed course of action may not produce the intended results, or may conflict with another of the governments stated aims

And then - when all the arguments which show that this is obviously the best of all possible policies in the best of all possible worlds have been honed & polished, to consider Yes, but what is the opposition - Treasury, Parliament or media - going to say?

Far better to work out the answers inside the department than to face them for the first time in the heat of the Newsnight studio

Proportional representation & resource allocation

In this country allocations of funds from central government to lower tier organisations are usually estimated as a share of the national total which has been decided in advance. That is, we do not work out how much each local area needs & sum the results to arrive at a national total

I am not aware of any work that has ever been done to see if this procedure produces perverse & unintended results in some cases - though lots has been written & published on the similar problems of proportional voting systems

To take a greatly oversimplified example

There is one national manufacturer of skirts who operates from just one factory. The government decides, in pursuance of its regional development policy, that there should be one skirt factory in each region

Now each skirt is made out of a 3 yard length of cloth. For technical reasons a skirt can not be stitched together from smaller pieces of cloth

The cloth comes on a bale which is 100 yards long. Each of the 10 regions is given its allocation of 10 yards

At the end of the year the audit shows that national skirt production has declined by nearly 10%, from 33 to 30 units

A commission is set up to advise government on the best methods of training the workers to bring them up to the expected standard of productivity in skirt making

Concrete drains

I do hope there is not much rain over Christmas or we shall be in real trouble with surface water again

Not only are the drains still visibly full with leaves and the debris from the dogs dinner of a new development up the hill (the developer is clearly experiencing severe cash flow problems) but now they are gritting the roads at night too

More gifts for difficult boys

I suppose I was musing on this because I have a 12 year old to buy a gift for this year. Much the same situation, not a relative - the son of a neighbour who is very good company

I was thinking of cash & novelty value, & how increasingly people have to count it out a bit slowly, when required, because they dont get much practice nowadays. I considered getting rolls of different coins, rather than just £2s, with a little poser like How many different ways can you make up £1.38. Which takes the smallest number of coins?

Well there are boys who would enjoy that kind of thing, but not this one I guess

He is interested in landscape however. We had an interesting discussion the other week, in the wake of our mini-floods, about the pattern of valleys & how & where water flows. So I think an Ordnance Survey map of the Peak District might absorb him. I shall have to check with Mum first though

Can anyone see the joins

I always thought that one of the functions of the Cabinet was to join up the government. Even if that sometimes involved a stitch up

Reports of my death

I cant help, even in this season of goodwill, feeling schadenfreude about the data protection problems being experienced by government at the moment

One of the most vacuous slogans - Joined Up Government - is not heard so much of now. It was one of those things that made me shout at the radio, especially when someone was explaining that it was ridiculous that you might have to give the same piece of information to different departments, rather than them all being able to rely on just one central source

Well that can have problems too - & not just because if one loses it they all lose it. Government only gets one chance to get it right

One example being quoted a while ago was the apparent need for someone to produce a death certificate 37 times over.

When a newspaper made a mistake about Mark Twain he had merely to write that Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. It would have been much more awkward for him if every government database had been convinced of the veracity of those reports

D's and E's don't count

I was using a computer in the library yesterday when a young man at the next desk, against all etiquette, asked me how to spell qualifications. Vaguely assuming he wasnt English, I told him. A few minutes later he asked if hygiene had a y. Yes I said, a bit more snappishly

A few minutes after that he apologised for interrupting again, but would I look at the CV he had just written? The friend who was supposed to be helping him had failed to show. Still vaguely assuming he just wanted an 'English' opinion, I invited him to read it out loud, since I couldnt see, not at that distance

It was short - always a big plus in my opinion - just name, some subjects he said he had qualifications in, then personal qualities, ending with And I am a good listener which struck me as a bit unusual for a young man. I just told him it sounded fine

Yes, but is it OK? Casting around for something a bit constructive, I said he should say when & where he got the qualifications

Head down: I got them in prison

Well youve certainly got my attention now!

I was wondering if modern HR jargon might have a coded phrase for this kind of thing, which could get you out of any accusation of trying to mislead without having to put it down starkly in black & white. Have you got any certificates?

Yes, AQAs

What about school?

Oh I didnt get anything there - just a C in [something]

Then he rattled off at least 4 or 5 other subjects he said he had done - But nothing, just a load of Ds & Es

Ds & Es dont count, do they?

OH YES THEY DO, I hissed

His friend turned up just after that so I left them to it

Now there are several things to ponder in this story, including the fact that if he had time to do all those AQAs he must have been in prison quite a long time. But he seemed genuinely to yearn for the stability of a wage (better yet a salary) that he said hed never had. I should like to feel more optimistic for him

But its that Ds & Es dont count that I shall remember

Because he is right. Ministers & media keep telling us so. About failing pupils from failing schools who cannot even manage 5 As or Bs or Cs

Poor little Ireland?

One fact about Ireland really surprised me when I first came across it, & shifted my view of the vexed question of Anglo-Irish relations, at least a little bit

I for one was accustomed to think of Poor Little Ireland oppressed by Big Bad England. And during my lifetime, at least until the most recent waves of migration, this has been true. In the early 1990s Ireland (the whole island) had only about one tenth of the number of people compared to England (In very round terms, 5m v 50m)

But in 1801 the population of Ireland was two thirds that of England - 6 million v 10 million. Even in 1851 it was a half. So the relative scale, or burden, of relief for the famine, meant that crudely, 2 people in England needed to support 1 in Ireland

The interesting questions are first, how did the population of Ireland manage to keep pace with that of England up to 1800 – in terms of population density, the two countries were the same. But then why did growth in England take off – helped in no small part by migrations from abroad as well as from the Celtic fringe

Gifts for difficult boys

Personally I see no problem in giving cash - not book tokens - as a present for a boy at the difficult age. In these days of plastic it actually has novelty value. Nice crisp note(s) or, even better, shiny £2 coins. Pride of ownership, a delicious time spent deciding how you are going to spend it

My mother was brilliant at presents, on a very small budget. Looking back, the ones which gave me most pleasure, after the age of about 5, were those which made me feel ever so slightly grown up & important. For example a cardboard box, such as might have contained a dress or a shirt in those days, containing Things I would need for my desk - which came later. Pencils, a sharpener, a rubber, blotting paper, ruler, rubber bands, paper clips, drawing pins, Treasury tags, and - best of all - a hole punch. Which could be used for making confetti

The most successful present of this type which I myself have given in recent years was to a 9-year old boy. Not a relative or a godchild, & positively nothing grand or embarrassingly extravagant. I hit on the idea of a miscellaneous collection of small notebooks from the £store or Stationery Box. Stuck a freezer label on each (easily removed if not wanted): Detectives Notebook; Secret Diary; Ships Log - Property of the Captain; Codebook

I just thought it was something which might keep him quiet for a bit, but his mother credits the gift with finally making him see the point of spelling & writing legibly

Genetic teacakes

My basic recipe for cake consists of butter, sugar, egg, flour & milk.

The quantities - absolute & relative - matter. As does the precise method & order of combining them

The size & shape of the cooking tin makes a big difference. As does the temperature of the oven. And the type of oven - ask anybody who has switched to fan assisted. My grandmother produced superb results with an oven built into the range at the side of the coal fire in the living room, which also, via a back boiler, provided the hot water for the household

Cooking time matters

All these make the difference between a light, fluffy delicious sponge & a lump of concrete

And the whole process can be damaged irreparably if you open the oven door at the wrong moment

So its not really a surprise to find that establishing which small part of the genome codes for which protein does not unlock the whole secret of Life. I doubt we have even got as far as listing the basic ingredients for basic cake. We seem to be more at the stage of being able to say All cakes contain flour (except for those that do not)

And then, when we do get there, along will come the VAT inspector to tell us that what we have made is not a cake. Because, from his point of view, from where he stands, it is a biscuit


The press reported that Marks&Spencer have just won a longstanding legal battle with the VATMAN. Chocolate teacakes are cakes, not biscuits

Dulce et decorum

In my younger days I used to like to claim that I was twice put into prison during my gap year, & that the second time I had truly expected to face a firing squad in the morning

Ludicrous exaggerations of course for what were basically simple visa problems. Fed by teenage romanticism. And that Alec Guinness film about the bigamous sea captain

I spent a night in a police station in what was then Yugoslavia. Lying on the rather uncomfortable wooden bed I crossed my arms on my chest & imagined my fate

We were perhaps better acquainted with the reality of death then. But that didnt stop me feeling romantic about it, not really grasping the finality. Imagining all the nice things that would be said about my bravery. In short, believing that I would still be around

So I am a bit surprised that people are surprised about suicide bombers

And, coming at it from the darker side, does not America have its own equivalent in those who go on mass killing sprees with guns?

Two by two tables

I wish that simple 2x2 contingency tables were taught in schools, & not just in maths or stats classes

If they were the standard of public understanding/debate on so many issues could be much higher. People who ought to know better ought not be able to get away with as much as they do

If children worked on simple examples we might not have so much hurt & upset over statements like Most muggers are black.

People might understand much better the concept of false positives & negatives in medical screening programmes

Maybe even the nature of the supposed evidence linking various foodstuffs, or medical diseases, & unfortunate outcomes

Regional government & the choice of supermarket

I have hardly been to Sainsburys in Hazel Grove at all this year

It used to be very convenient to stop by there on the way home, do a bit of shopping then catch another bus right outside which takes me practically to my door

One reason I stopped doing it is the absolutely outrageous fact that if I do I will have to pay a bus fare IN CASH for one leg of the journey. All because of the vagaries of local authority boundaries & the rules governing free bus travel. Iniquitous!

Of course if I really wanted to visit that particular branch of Sainsburys I would happily hand over the £1+ involved

These rules make life much more difficult for others. If you drew a circle with a radius of 10 miles centred on our patch you would cover more than 6 different counties/local authority areas. Four different government administrative regions. Heaven knows how many health authorities, water companies, ITV regions .... And if the proposed amalgamation of police forces had gone through a couple of years ago we would have had the Merseyside police patrolling within 2 miles of us

Heaven help anyone over 60 who needs to do most of their travelling in one county but who happens to live just 10 yards over the border of another

Still, at least that bus pass problem will be solved next April, though I am sure there will be plenty new ones to worry about

And people wonder why not all the English are excited by the idea of regional governments of their own

Why is Ken Barlow still in Coronation Street?

Those pondering lack of social mobility & lack of aspiration in England could do worse than study popular tv soaps

Early 1960s: a very young Ken Barlow, home on holiday from teacher training college gets a good ticking off from Uncle Alfred for upsetting his mother with his new-found fancy ways

Instead of leaving for an environment where the drinking of sherry is unremarkable Ken returns to The Street. To spend over 40 years getting rid of his boring tag through brushes with powerful sexual or criminal shenanigans

A generation later Michelle in East Enders overcomes the setback of teenage pregnancy to earn a degree & a job in an office. She even starts wearing suits! But she has to be sent to America. Otherwise she would presumably end up like mum, working in the launderette

Unpaid work

In the old wages for housework days it was easy to think that the campaign was based on either naivety or the worst sort of hairy-legged man-hating feminism

I started thinking more deeply about how we decide to look to the market to provide some goods & services and to provide others, unwaged, for ourselves or others when shops really started closing in the village. Most were replaced by some kind of takeaway or cafe

Nothing wrong with that, but what a switch away from food preparation at home

At the same time a huge proportion of adults decided it was well worth their while to become their own transport manager/route planner/chauffeur, & to perform the same unwaged service for all their childrens transport requirements

What would the costs of motoring look like if these labour costs were added in? Would bus travel look as expensive as it does in purely cashflow terms?

Doris Archer was a prude

It came as a bit of a shock to realise that Jennifer Aldridges son Adam is now 40. And that his birth stirred up such a national controversy complete with graffiti. A young unmarried woman deciding to keep her baby!

Consultation in the space/time continuum

People like me who come late to the study of Victorian history tend to marvel at the speed with which they got things done. Especially if the student has laboured in the vineyard of modern administration. As one retired consultant remarked, They decided they wanted a hospital & it was up & running in the time it would take us to get through the first round of the planning process

Was this just a mark of the stern, dictatorial, paternalistic, patriarchal know-whats-good-for yous? Well maybe, but the main reason that they did not consult so much was because they couldnt

As became clear to me when I started to plough through the minutes of the weekly Watch Committee meetings. They were brief, usually less than half a page of A4. The rest of the page was taken up by a list of those attending &, at the foot, the invariable Certified a true copy ..... Just like it says on the copy of a birth certificate

All copies were written out by a clerk. Although some kind of carbon paper clearly came in to use around this time, it was still a time consuming business. No wonder they were terse.

• Week 1 We have this problem. Alderman Bloggs to look into it
• Week2 Alderman Bloggs reported he had sorted it out or Recommended A. Agreed

Consultation had to be by hand-written letter or face to face meeting. In a city you probably walked to most meetings. No telephone. Telegraph was just becoming quite widely available, but that would be like texting in slow motion without the connectivity of the mobile network

Are things better now that there is no excuse not to consult the world & his brother & his mother-in laws cat? Dont we just have to spend more time collating all those responses, when they get round to sending them, & then deciding what to make of them

Is there a word which means both brilliantly simple & malign?

Machiavellian does not quite fit the bill, because it implies too much devious complication

It also needs to make clear that the act so described is not one of which the user approves or admires in any way

Not a buyers market

The slow down in the housing market has been very obvious round this part of the world for some time now. New developments which would have been snapped up off plan as soon as they were on the market 3 to 4 years ago, carry FOR SALE boards for months now

When I first moved back up north I was surprised to find that private renting was still a fairly significant form of tenure for ordinary families. Nothing to do with the more recent Buy-to-let boom, just the old majority form of tenure clinging on where many people simply could not afford to buy & council housing is relatively scarce.

Private renting declined quite sharply in the 90s & early 2000s, though frankly it worried me, to see so many people having to take on mortgages for 6-figure sums

TO Let signs have been much more in evidence recently, even on the new developments. A new phenomenon however is FOR SALE OR TO LET. Some of these may well be Buy-to-let landlords trying to get out, but some have definitely been occupied for some years by the family that owned them. This suggests buyers have become extremely difficult to find

A truly great editor looks after his staff

The William Rees Mogg article about editors of The Times reminded me of a story I came across about the great correspondent William Russell when he was in India to report on how the British army re-established control over the areas which were in rebel hands following the 1857 Mutiny


Russell was one of those men who, though earning what was for those days a fabulous salary, was always short of money. Indeed, in more general terms he was a hopeless manager of his family & domestic life. Knowing that his wife would be unhappy about him going on another prolonged & treacherous assignment abroad – she was ill after all – he simply got round the difficulty by leaving the house late at night without having told her anything about it

He was also a man of mercurial temperament & seemingly inconsistent attitudes. While generally sympathetic to the underdog, he could come out with some outrageously choleric & racist views. So although he railed against the viciousness with which the mutiny was put down, the policy of indiscriminate hangings pour encourager les autres, & the snobbery of the Anglo-Indian colonialists, he could be rude, to say the least, about the natives too. Especially those who had to carry him around in a palanquin after he had suffered an extremely nasty kick in the thigh from a horse

After the retaking of one particular palace, Russell wrote to his editor to complain that he was so short of funds that he could not even afford the paltry amount that one ordinary soldier had asked for a looted treasure. By selling it on to a more wealthy customer, Russell would have been able to make himself a nice little profit

The editor – the great Delane – responded by sending Russell a personal cheque for £10 so that he would not be similarly embarrassed again

The Negro Speaks of Rivers

Heaven knows why it took so long, but I only came across the name of Langston Hughes some 15 years ago. And in a very unexpected way.

I was on a country train in Derbyshire when the young man sitting opposite opened a Waterstones bag to take out a large format thick paperback which he regarded with obvious expectation & pleasure. I was a bit surprised because he didnt look much like the reading type, (I had him marked as junior management) & anyway Im always nosy about what other people are reading.

I managed to glimpse the authors name & Collected Poems on the cover. This only added to the intrigue. To be honest I thought he was most likely a modern singer/songwriter, but even I would have expected to have heard of someone who had produced such an oeuvre, worthy of publication by a mainstream publisher.

I remembered the name some time later & checked the library catalogue. I was hooked & read everything I could find His first volume of autobiography The Big Sea deserves to be, ought to be, much more widely known in this country


THE NEGRO SPEAKS OF RIVERS

I've known rivers:
I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.
I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.
I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it.
I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset.

I've known rivers:
Ancient dusky rivers.

My soul has grown deep like the rivers.

Langston Hughes. Written 1919, when he was 19, on a train outside St Louis, on his way to visit his father in Mexico

Link

The Big Sea

Related posts

Walls have soul
. Complected

Cultural stereotypes

I find the persistence of certain cultural stereotypes fascinating
The Anglo Saxons have always been binge drinkers (think Beowulf). The Irish have always been disputatious (think Bede). Middle easterners have always been fond of displaying the severed heads of their enemies (think Sumerian casket)

I don’t care if the answer is 42

Most of the comment I have seen or heard about the latest proposal for extending detention without trial has concentrated on Why 42?

Do people really just accept that it is a good idea to have MPs voting on individual cases? Or have I misunderstood something

I cannot think of anything worse. And how, if evidence cannot, for reasons of national security, be revealed in a court of law, can it be revealed to MPs? Or will they sit in camera?

Controlled trials

How much research has been done which attempts to separate out the beneficial effects of a Mediterranean diet from those of the Mediterranean climate?

Darwins bowels

It has always seemed obvious to me that Darwin ‘retired’ to Down House because of a persistent or recurrent embarrassment of physical, not psychological origin

Think Imodium ads on tv

Then think about the availability of water closets in mid Victorian England. Particularly in public buildings. Even in the 1980s august institutions – think Royal Society, or think theatres, hardly offered modern conveniences. The facilities, up odd winding bits of staircase, or down in the basement, were not easily accessible in a hurry

Think buttons, not zips

Then decide if you would not rather spend most of your time at home, especially if that home could be the kind of joyous happily family residence which your friends would be only too pleased to visit

A romantic tale of a lonely internalised struggle between prevailing religion & scientific truth this is not

But not the less heroic for that

Leaves down the drain

Yesterday evenings rain caused all sorts of trouble round our way

It was impossible to cross the road when I got off the bus - it was just like a river. The reason became clear when I walked the short way up to the brow of that particular part of the hill - soaked by the spray from all the cars which continued to break the speed limit regardless of conditions. Water was pouring down the side road which emerges there; a culvert must be blocked

Still, at least the water turned right & ran back down the main road, so my lane down the other side seemed clear. Until I got to the bottom, where the bridge was swamped under a mini lake. My initial alarm that this meant the river had come up over its banks was fortunately unfounded

The rain wasnt that heavy. Weve had much worse in the past without trouble

The storm drains are however all packed with fallen leaves. Autumn has been unusual, with the leaves staying on the trees for much longer, then suddenly falling in a rush quite recently. The council came round to clear the pavements & the road surface, but left the drains

A similar story must be repeated all over the district, with not just drains but culverts & run offs blocked too. Roads were temporarily closed all over the place, though I havent heard of any houses getting flooded

Beethoven was one-sixteenth black

Sir Arthur Sullivan was one-eighth black

Halle Berry & Lewis Hamilton are at most half black

Tiger Woods is less than half black

James Watson has 16% black genes

So the point is ...... ?

See also: Complected

Nadine Gordimers latest book of short stories is called 'Beethoven was one-sixteenth black'

No longer a black & white world

Very occasionally I need to consult an old textbook of some kind

One thing that often strikes me is that I have almost completely lost the ability to interpret black & white diagrams

But these were a standard tool of my education, in virtually every subject from history to physics

Colour was not really a tool of education outside the artroom, or maps of physical geography

Television (if you had it at home) was black & white, technicolour the exception rather than the rule for films, or so it seemed

Robert Hughes tells how, in far away Australia, his only knowledge of much of the great art he studied came from black & white, often very small, photographs

How on earth did we manage?

And how does the colour explosion affect how children learn today?

Related post: Guernica

Rouler vers l'ouest

One thing that puzzles me. If we all came out of Africa, how come that in early recorded history the overall movement was into/across Europe from the east?



I was brought back to thinking about this by a comment someone made on last weeks population projections, that we were at the mercy of another unstoppable wave from the east



Just like in Anglo Saxon days



Or those who attacked the northern edges of the Roman Empire



Before them, the Sea People, or those who swept down through Greece

If movement was from the east, then Ireland was truly the very edge of the known world. Which might explain a lot

Part of the problem I have is in just getting my head round the different time scales involved. But listening to In Our Time this morning it occurred to me that in those pre-historic out of Africa migrations it could have been the genes, rather than their human carriers, which were the real travellers. Slowly, like the building of an ocean swell, as one nearly-human member of a group transferred half their genes to one of the neighbours, and so on and so on until unstoppable momentum was achieved & waves crashed on the shore

Not dying is not an option

Medical researchers could do us all a real service if, instead of keep on telling us how to reduce our probability of dying of this, then that, then the other disease, they worked out how to increase the probability (preferably to 1) that we live a frisky intellectually fulfilled life until, having achieved our time, we simply wake up dead

Cows

Cows are right up there among my favourite animals, along with elephants & horses

So docile, usually but so often looking hang dog & put upon. Thinking of cows in muddy fields, hunkered down backs to the rain, that is what most makes me doubt the idea that animals should be free range. If I prefer - nay demand - a nice warm airy house to live in, why should not they have the same?

Click on image to enlarge

What do you mean, reading?

I am beginning to think that perhaps we are getting our priorities wrong in the business of teaching children to read & defining the required standards to be tested

As many have pointed out, children are more likely to take to reading early if they see adults around them doing it. But, even in the most highly educated middle class families, children are less & less likely to see adults involved in paper-based reading. And seeing an adult write almost anything but a list of some kind or a signature on a Christmas card must be even more rare. So the important motive of copying what mummy & daddy do is lost, reading & writing are just chores imposed on them by school

The ability to interpret large blocks of uniform black squiggles on a pale background is something that begins more & more to seem like the ability to interpret the hieroglyphs on an Egyptian tomb

Im only watching - what have you got to hide?

Suppose I could use my magick powers to materialise myself in your living room this evening

I mean you absolutely no harm, you dont have to engage me in conversation, & no, really, thank you, I dont need a cup of tea

Nobody in your family is picking their nose, chastising a child. Youre not having a row. Not doing anything you would really prefer the neighbours didnt know about. In fact if one of them rang the bell right now you would happily invite them in

And me - I mean you absolutely no harm. I am entirely benevolent. I am only watching

So why do you not like it?

Grumbly old lady

I just changed one of the labels I use. I am no longer a grumpy, but a grumbly old lady

Inspired by a clue in Times crossword 23773: Good to see through what Meldrew does (7)

Grumpy has become such a cliche, & the new version adds just the right amount of crumbliness

Habit or hijab

In all the fuss about headscarves we seem to have forgotten about the battle of the nuns habit, when in the 1960s, led mainly by Americans, nuns battled to be able to ditch the floor length habit for something shorter, or even ordinary clothes. If I remember rightly however it took a bit longer for the headdress to pretty well disappear

Some academic must have done a compare & contrast study of the arguments advanced by those western Christian conservatives who fought against the rejection of habits & those who argue against Muslims being free to wear the veil at all times & in any place in western countries today

Daft dress codes

Every group has its dress codes. Only in retrospect do your own look strange

Two stories from the 1960s

The Rolling Stones went to a posh Chelsea restaurant for dinner. They were turned away on the grounds that no gentleman could be admitted unless wearing a tie

The group left quietly, but returned a short time later. Each wearing a tie

But nothing else


At the end of the decade a famous tv star went to a function at a swanky New York hotel. Wearing one of the newly fashionable tunic/wide legged trouser ensembles

Told that ladies in trousers could not be admitted she simply removed them, on the spot. The tunic was longer than the still fashionable but ever so slightly passé mini dress


Another, more personal, story

I had to go to a student-y meeting one Saturday morning at the National Liberal Club off Whitehall. A friend from college accompanied me because we were to go on to something else in the afternoon

We entered the marble hall & went to the porters desk for directions. Which he gave to me, very courteously. But then he said to my friend I am very sorry, sir, but I cannot allow you admission

My heart felt as if it had literally dropped into my boots via the express lift

My friend was West Indian. At that time there were no anti-discrimination laws. Fleet Street had a pretty universal No Colour Bar in England line, but that did not obviate the need for us to do things like picket the Whisky-a-go-go. This Soho club had been proved (to our satisfaction) to be operating a colour bar

But this was the Liberal club. My England. He couldnt. Could he?

If he could, then not just my heart but the bottom had dropped out of my world

Then he produced a cardboard box from under his desk. If you would care to make a selection, sir, then I will be able to admit you

Once my friend had donned the chosen tie, we were in

He was still wearing it when we left

Only connect

I am not a fan of science fiction, will usually avoid it

But some years ago I woke up in the middle of the night. World Service was broadcasting a science fiction story. It kept me gripped, even scared me a bit

It concerned the New York subway. The powers that be decided to build a new line to relieve the pressure on the system, providing some extra links between existing stations, much as the Victoria line did in 1960s London

A math professor noticed that the new line would mean that the connectivity (in the topological sense) of the system would be infinite & begged them to amend the plan

Of course they did not. The new line opened. Trains disappeared, along with all their passengers

I dont remember the denouement exactly but I am sure it involved a race against time to either block off a section of the track or dig a new one to bring the connectivity back to a finite real world number

When the computer starts acting funny, I sometimes wonder if the connectivity of the World Wide Web has temporarily wandered off into infinity

Educational achievement

How many grammar schools in England ever produced a Nobel laureate? How many have produced 2?

I ask because the performance of black boys in the English school system was in the news again last week

Those whose business it is to think about these things might care to ponder how one small secondary school in St Lucia managed to produce two Afro Caribbean Nobel laureates

And why so many educational professionals take it for granted that the idea that one of our schools might do the same is just the impossible dream

Links

Let us go then, and feign our love of verse
Derek Walcott withdraws from race to be Oxford poetry professor

Prosecutor or victim?

I was reading a newspaper report of a hearing in the nineteenth century Manchester Police Court. Suddenly puzzled by the use of the term the prosecutor. The police presented the prosecution case, surely?

Then it happened again. This time the prosecutor was a woman!

Light dawned

These days she would be called the victim

I think I know which I would prefer to be called

And I wonder if, somehow, this sparks the germ of an idea for how to deal with rape cases. More like a civil suit, under the aegis of the criminal law? Better than keep trying to bend or improve the rules as we try to do at present